"cartems donuts earl grey"

My love (hate) letter to Cartem’s Donuterie

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To the guys at Cartem’s Donuterie,

I hate you for being so good at making donuts. So good in fact that I fear of becoming Homer Simpson fat because I cannot stop eating your delicious, mouth-watering, addictive donuts. I do not have a sweet tooth and usually I am able to ration myself on desserts. I am normally not one of those people who can’t keep sweets in the house in fear of gorging on them. Except with your donuts.

With your donuts, I cannot stop at just one and when I have no more left, I can only think about going to get more.

Normally, when I get donuts I am able to eat just half and usually the other half gets stale waiting for me to return to it. With a Cartem’s donut, I devour the whole ring in a flash. How? Why?

It started with your earl grey donut, so pretty with its pale white glaze and pink and purple petals sprinkled on top. With my first bite, I knew I had something so very special that I needed to savour. I was amazed at the texture of the donut, so crispy on the outside yet cake-like inside.

Your triple chocolate threat makes my knees weak. Usually I find chocolate too sweet, this is not. All the lusciousness that makes chocolate addictive without any cloying sweetness.

There was one that I really wanted to try; the bacon bourbon donut.  I went into your store one day to see 1 lone bacon bourbon on the shelf.  I was so excited that it was within reach, but didn’t want to show my hand to draw attention to the fact that my precious was within reach. 3 people in front of me, no takers. 2 people left, I was getting positively giddy. The guy in front of me clearly wanted the chocolate indulgence and I talked him up on it.  I was feeling like I was home free until your shop dude sold the guy on trying the bacon bourbon donut.  “I guess I’ll try it”, he said.  I almost cried…

To compensate for my disappointment I bought a mixed half.  Over compensate I did, because by the next day, I ate all 6 myself.  In my shame, I did not take a photo, but have to say that the carrot cake is “mmmmmmm” inducing and the callebaut white chocolate glaze on the sweet snow is lives up to your hype.

My addiction became so bad that I gave myself the cut-off of only visiting your store until I was able to sample your bacon bourbon donut. I did, and it was as wonderful as I’d hoped it would be.

But of course I couldn’t buy just one, and yes the other 5 were eaten greedily over the next few days.

I wasn’t able to cut myself cold-turkey so I’ve been back, but only to buy 1 at a time now.   I mentioned in the store that I love your donuts and because I don’t want to give them up, I have taken to 2-a-day workouts.  This from someone who has been able to manage my portion control with little effort all of my life.  You laughed because you thought I was joking.  I was not.  I did discover that day your version of a “healthier” donut, the baked vegan chocolate.  I sneered a bit because it sounded like something so inferior to your other amazingly fried products.  I was wrong, I think it’s the best of your best.

So I’m now down to 1 donut per visit, but I haven’t been able to cut myself off completely.  Why should I deprive myself of your delightfulness?  Well that, and I’m now in search of your campfire donut.

Cartem’s Donuterie:  408 Carrall St (@Hastings), Vancouver

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